Okay so let's face it and get it out in the open. I am not a consistent blogger. I admit it. I have so many thoughts throughout the day and think I need to blog about this and then I get busy and forget. So according to my blogs it has been over 2 years. Let's just say A LOT has happened in the last two years. Also, I am not going to say that I am making this a priority and going to be better and making a promise to you as a reader because let's face it, it probably won't happen. I would rather be inconsistent than a liar so what I can tell you is I will try and post something again in the next year and not make you wait 2 more.
Something happened to me today that I had to blog about. I started to update my facebook status about it but I realized 1. it would be too long and 2. I wanted to be able to come back and read it again as a reminder to myself. So while I hope you and many others I don't know read this because of the nature of it, I am basically being selfish with this because I don't want to forget how I felt the next time around.
Also, let me preface this by saying that I just had a procedure done so if I have run on sentences or incorrect words, don't get all judgy on me. :)
Ok....back to my story.......To understand what happened today we have to go back. In January of 2009 my dad began experiencing pain and blood in his stools. Now as a strong and very private man he didn't want to tell anyone about it or see a doctor. He pushed it off as hemorrhoids and finally told my mom who then of course told me. She told me in hopes that I could convince him to have a check up. My dad was only 49 at the time and had never had a colonoscopy because they tell you to go at age 50. A colonoscopy is not one of those things that you anticipate and get excited about and neither is age 50. This isn't like the feeling you get when you know you will be 16 soon and FINALLY get your driver's license.
Finally after much talking and convincing, he went to the doctor. The news we got was not what we were expecting or hoping for. My dad has stage 3 colon cancer and a tumor the size of a grapefruit in his colon. The doctors suspected he had had it for 3 years undetected. One of the main indicators of colon cancer is fatigue. My dad was very fatigued but he worked 60-70 hours a week so that was not uncommon for him. Colon cancer is tricky because usually by the time you have outward symptoms it is almost too late.
After many rounds of chemo and radiation, he underwent an extensive 8 hour surgery to remove the tumor. The doctor did an amazing job removing the tumor and buying us more time with my dad. He went on to receive more chemo, tests, and surgery. One of the tests he had done was a genetic test to see if he had carried the gene for colon cancer. The test came back positive.
I remember being a little girl in our farmhouse in Texas and hearing the news of my grandpa Elam Hinckley (who we named our son after) had passed away from cancer. I was only about 8 years old but I remember clear as day sitting on the toilet lid in the bathroom and bawling my eyes out. I remember hearing my mom and dad talk about it and my dad crying. (I think that was the first time I ever saw him cry and it wasn't a common thing throughout his life) I knew he had died of cancer but I had always thought it was lung cancer. We never realized that it had originated in his colon and spread to his lungs. We also never knew that my great grandmother (Elam's mom) had also passed of colon cancer.
Why am I giving you family medical history?????? Because I need you to understand how important it is. Had we known this info, my dad would have been checked at 40 instead of 49 when he had a problem. He would have been checked again every few years which would have caught this UGLY ugly disease in time. HAD WE KNOWN our family medical history, I may still have my dad today.
1. PLEASE KNOW YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY! Ask your parents, aunts, uncles, etc. All those annoying questions you have to fill out EVERY time you go to the doctor are there for a reason! Know if you have a history of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc. Be honest on the application. Why? Because early detection gives you the greatest chance.
2. PLEASE GET CHECKED REGULARLY. Health screenings, blood work, women's exams, mammograms, colonoscopies, etc. Please Please don't be stubborn. Your stubbornness can literally take years off your life and away from your family.
3. PLEASE CONSIDER LIFE INSURANCE AND AFLAC CANCER INSURANCE. When getting life insurance please make sure you understand what you are getting. My dad had been paying on a policy for years (like almost 20) but we we didn't know until it was too late was that his policy would cover nothing. He had purchased an accidental death policy when I was young thinking it was life insurance. The aflac cancer policy is always one that I thought was for older people or we didn't need. After going through cancer with my dad I had wished that he had purchased one. The reason why I struggled with this one so much is because I am a firm believer and know that it was never God' intention for my dad to get cancer or die from it. I also know that I am healed through the blood of Jesus and don't have to live in fear so why have a cancer policy? I will tell you why. The cancer policy does not say you don't have faith or believe in God. It is a protection for your family. It is a safe guard so that if something were to attack you, your family could have comfort knowing that you will still get paid if you have to miss work, they can take off some time and spend with you if need be for treatments or surgeries, etc. It is for your family so please think about it. I have a great agent who also happens to be my father in law if you need someone.
Okay so back to my story.....the test came back positive on my dad having a genetic disease. His doctors then wanted me tested immediately and to schedule a colonoscopy. At the time I was in such a fog of watching my dad lose his battle that I couldn't focus on me or even think about doing that and having to emotionally deal with what they might tell me.
On Sept 26, 2010 cancer had claimed another heir to the Hinckley name and I was devastated again. I remembered being that little girl sitting in the bathroom on the toilet bawling my eyes out. Only this time it hurt MUCH worse and sometimes I still find myself 3 years later in the bathroom on the toilet seat crying my eyes out. I had lost my hero. I had watched him FIGHT up until his last breath. I had watched him weaken in body right before my eyes and it crushed me. I still have flashbacks to that last month of his life but that is a whole other blog. I have experienced great pain in losing my dad and I refuse to allow my kids to know that pain again.
So fast forward 3 years later......I was finally ready. Mentally and emotionally I could face the thought of following the doctors orders and getting a colonoscopy. So today was that day........
First of all there is so much they don't tell you and I won't be graphic but I am going to be honest. I couldn't eat for over 36 hours. I was HUNGRY! Then they make you drink this stuff mixed in gatorade and although you can't taste it, you can feel it working. Then they also don't tell you that you have to get up in the middle of the night to finish your amazing drink. I had to be up at 4 am and didn't get much sleep after because again I found myself on a toilet but for a different reason. Also, because you are so dehydrated and hungry, you get this terrible headache that won't go away until the put your iv in.
Okay so I didn't realize how nervous and anxious I would be for this procedure. It's a routine procedure and was merely precautionary but was more emotional than I realized. I laid there thinking I wonder what my dad was thinking when they were prepping him. I wonder if he was afraid of what they might find.
Today I had my mom with me but as they wheel you back you are all alone with the nurse. I heard doctors conversations as I was being wheeled down the hall and into my room and thinking although I know I will come out of this how many times are people wheeled back and the last words they hear are what the doctors were saying in the hallway. I wondered if they understood how very important their normal conversations could be. (I am a deep thinker and watch too much grey's anatomy. can you tell?)
So I get to the room and there was an older gentlemen in there and he introduced himself as my anesthesiologist. Here is how our conversation went.
Dr. - "Hello Amanda I am your anesthesiologist." (shook hands)
Me - "It's so nice to meet you."
Dr. - "Wow. I don't get that very often. Thank you it's nice to meet you too. So I see you are here to have a colonoscopy. Do you have family history?"
Me - "Yes, my dad passed away about 3 years ago."
Dr. - "I have the same issue and have had about 4. This is nothing to be afraid of. Do you have kids?"
Me - "Yes two."
Dr. - "Then you are here for the right reason. I have 3 kids and a wife and I would rather spend a few hours every few years doing this procedure than not being with them. You are doing the right thing."
Me - "thank you."
Dr. - "Okay I am going to start giving you medicine that will make you fall asleep. Let me know when you start to feel different."
Me - "I am starting to feel it."
Dr. - "Would you like me to hold your hand since this is your first time?"
Me - "yes please"
The next thing I remember I was in recovery and the procedure was over. I could barely open my eyes or get words out but I asked my mom "Please find out what my anesthesiologist's name was"
In that ONE conversation and by that one act of kindness, he held my hand, calmed my fears and made an impact on my life. When I was starting to feel better he walked by to check on me and I asked him.
"Can you please tell me your name? I can't remember and you were so good to me."
"Thank you My name is Tim. Tim Flynn."
Now I will never forget it! This small, and what some may call insignificant, conversation reminded me of a few things:
1. WHATEVER GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO DO, DO IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND BE A LIGHT WHEREVER YOU ARE. This man does not know the impact he had on me and I am sure I am not the only one. He felt at some point in his life that he was called to anesthesiology and he has used his calling to be a light to his patient's. That is ministry. You don't have to be a pastor to minister to others. You just have to be obedient and faithful in what God has called you to do.
2. EVERYTHING YOU DO AND SAY MATTERS. Dr. Flynn's words, gentle spirit, and holding my hand in my time of need mattered. He could have spoke anything over me and I would have had to listen to it because I was laying there. He chose in that moment to speak life. He chose to comfort and reassure me. In 5 minutes, he was able to change my perspective.
My test results came back clean. I am healthy and have a beautiful colon (in case you were wondering) and I do not have to go back for 5 years. Today I faced a fear and I did it for my family. I challenge you with this. Whatever you do, wherever you go, and whatever you say remember Dr. Tim Flynn. Remember that every work you speak and gentle touch you give matters. Do what you have been called to do with greatness! You are here for a reason!
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