Last year about a month before my daughter was born my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. The word cancer is such a devastating word. It changes your entire outlook on life even if you are not the person directly effected by cancer. Cancer doesn't just attack a person, it attacks a family. This last year has been such a long process of learning patience when waiting for treatments to end and reports to come in. It has been an emotional journey for myself knowing that when I was only 8 my grandfather, whose name was Elam (my dad's, dad) lost his battle with cancer. I lost him at such a young age and to think of my kids having to go through that is almost unbearable.
It has taught me to enjoy life and ignore the things that would normally annoy me or cause me to complain. In that it has also, made me more annoyed with the people who complain about everything. lol. It has made me value the little things that I might take for granted like breakfast with my dad, hide and seek with Elam, watching my dad give the kids horsey rides like he did with me when I was a kid. It's those things that really matter.
This month marked the last chemo treatment for my dad and this week was his body scan. Today my parents went into the doctor's office for the results of the test. I have been praying and believing for my dad's healing and the thought of anything else wasn't even an option.
My mom called me after the appointment to tell me that the news isn't exactly what we imagined it would be. The doctor has found a spot on his liver and two on his lungs. He is concerned and wants to do some more in depth testing this Friday with more results to come on Tuesday.
Immediately, it was like my faith was under attack. I had all these thoughts like: did I not pray hard enough?, did I not have enough faith? I believe in God and his healing and believed he had already healed my dad so why wasn't he healed? Was it because of something I did?
Then I felt like God was speaking to my heart and saying: Am I a healer? My answer was yes. Then it came to me..... Just because my dad was not healed did not make God any less of a healer. Why my dad was not healed immediately I will not know (until I get to heaven because I plan on asking him lol)
On my ride home in the car a song came on and the words are:
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be the name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name.
See it doesn't matter what we are facing, God is still in control. He is still there for us. He is still holy, righteous, and worthy of our praise. It is not my job to understand life and what may be thrown my way. It is my job to always praise Him regardless and love him unconditionally!
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