Good and you?

Okay so we've all done it when you see a someone you haven't seen in a while, a friend, or a family member. We have all had "that" conversation and I am guilty of it myself. It goes a little something like this.

"Hey! How are you doing?"

"Good and you?"

"Doing good. Just keeping busy."

"Oh that's good"

Really........ Are we always doing good? Why are we in such a hurry these days that we don't even have a connection to people to stop and give them two minutes of our lives. Maybe, you aren't having a good day or maybe they are not. Maybe God brought them along in your path to have them pray for you or teach you something. Now being a mom of two young children, I do understand that at times your children will not allow you to have a longer conversation then the one above but what about when people text you, email or send you a message on facebook. So today I am going to be honest with myself and anyone who is reading this. If you really want to know how I am doing....here it is......

For those of you who don't know, my dad has cancer and is now considered "terminally ill". The doctors have said there is nothing more they can do for him and to enjoy our time together. This information in itself is hard to swallow. My mind can not wrap around the thought of my dad no longer being here.

For those of you who don't know my dad, let me give you a little glimpse at his faith. If you ask my dad how he is feeling. He says, "I am feeling fine. I am just tired." He is still working sometimes up to 60 hours a week. He has told us "there are facts and there is the truth. The facts cannot change the truth but the truth can change the facts. The facts are that he has cancer and the chemo didn't work. The truth is he never put his trust in the chemo to begin with and the truth is that Jesus shed his blood for his healing."

Here is another thing that I know. The Bible says we walk by faith and not by sight. What I am seeing is his symptoms such as how he walks, how his voice sounds, his weight loss, his exhaustion, etc. It is so hard to hold on to faith when I am seeing all of this. I know in my heart God is very capable of healing him and I know he will. Whether my dad is healed here on earth or the moment he leaves and meets his savior, He WILL be healed. Selfishly I would like him to be healed here so that I could enjoy more time with him and he can see his grandbabies grow up.

I regret taking time with him for granted. This has caused me to look at life in a totally different light. Our time on earth is so short compared to the eternity we will face after. We are not guaranteed a set amount of time here on earth and every day could be our last. We need to #1 decide who we will serve because there are only two options and you will spend eternity with that decision. #2 do not take anyone or anything for granted. you are not promised tomorrow and neither are they #3 life is too short to allow strife to invade your peace. If your focus is on Jesus and truly on him, then all else will fall away. #4 Carrying around offenses is no way to live your life. Give them to Jesus and allow Him to set you free otherwise they will hold you captive from Him. #5 Make every moment count and make good, lasting memories.

Watching him in pain and fighting through this is one of the hardest things I think I will ever have to do. He is my Hero. He is so strong and such a fighter. He taught me what a man, a father, and a husband should be. He is an amazing man of wisdom, a provider, a man of faith, integrity, love. He is a protector. I remember every night when I was little my dad would always check all the doors in the house to make sure they were locked before we went to bed. Something so simple but made such a huge impact on me. It showed me at an early age that he was protecting me and loved me. He always and still does take my moms car to get the oil changed, check the tires, put gas in it, and wash it. He loved her and didn't want her to have to worry about it and he wanted to know that we were always safe when traveling so he didn't have to worry about us. My dad taught me at a young age that it is better to get your chores, schoolwork, etc. done first so you can relax and enjoy the rest of the day with no worries. That is something I am still a little OCD about and will pass on to my children. Most importantly he taught me about the love of Jesus and that I have a heavenly father who loves me more than he ever could even if I can not possibly fathom that.

My dad will be 51 in a couple of weeks and I am so looking forward to celebrating with him. I am looking forward to many more years with him if I am so blessed. I love him so much and today, HONESTLY, has been really difficult. Some days I have good days were my faith is very strong and others not so good. Today is one of those days. I love him so much and just do not want him to suffer in any way. I am trying to remain focused on Jesus and not allow my focus to be swayed. I know I do not understand why this is happening but I do know that God did not ask me to understand, he asked me to trust. (Proverbs 3:5) "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on YOUR OWN understanding." When I was very little God showed me this verse and it has always been my favorite. Probably because I have a hard time trusting people, and now again I am faced with the reality of this verse. It is not for us to understand the why all the time.

I know this season, I have and will learn a lot of hard lessons. I know that James says to "Consider it PURE JOY when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." As hard as it is I HAVE to count it joy (fair or not) but as a human I am not perfect and my heart is saddened. I can not be angry with God because he is not the cause of this attack. Instead I trust Him and hold on to Him for He will be my comforter, bring me peace, wisdom, understanding, and fortress. He will be my protector and provider.

So if you asked me today how I was doing. I would probably answer, "not very good. Today is a rough day and for a full explanation see my blog. " :)