Becoming Uncomfortable

January means a lot of different things for different people. Along with the new year come new year's resolutions. People often say they want to get in better shape, go on a diet, etc. The diet and exercise business is booming and gym memberships are always up in January. Every year some of the same people say I want to get healthier because they failed to do it the year before.

Many people go on a 21 day fast, sometimes corporately and sometimes just personally. Some fast certain foods or food all together. Some fast technology, such as TV, Facebook, Twitter, Video games, etc. Their focus is to take the time they would normally use doing these things and focus on God, to spend more time with Him without the distractions. Sacrificing their "comfort" foods for the things God naturally gave to us and remember who our creator is.

Now....I am a big fan of the biggest loser tv show and also worked for a chiropractor for a while who also specializes in nutrition. For those of you that know me, you know that I have never been a healthy eater. Growing up, the only vegetables I would eat were green beans, peas, and potatoes. The only fruit was bananas. Now not much has changed on the veggie side but I do eat almost all fruits now. I have expanded my pallet in other foods too and every time I go back home my family says, "wow you are such a good eater now" lol. I feel like I am 4 but it's still exciting because I know how far I've come.

One thing I have heard over and over from people starting diets, tv, doctors, etc. is Being healthy is not a "diet", it is a lifestyle change. Or how about this line, "you have to eat to live not live to eat" "you have to FEED your body so that it can run properly". While I have heard these countless times and they are all very true it has really been hitting home lately and taking on a different meaning.

I have been around so many people lately that are either fasting or dieting that I started to feel guilty eating the things they were giving up in front of them. The unhealthy things. They are making themselves better and I am continuing to enjoy the comforts. While enjoying these comforts, I have become uncomfortable by being around them, not because of anything they have done or said but simply by the choice they have made to live differently.

Throughout this month, with all of the fasting, diet and exercise talk, and people around me doing these things, here is where I have been challenged and what I have learned:

1. Getting healthy is not about a "diet" It is a LIFESTYLE change a lot like becoming a Christian is. Many people become "christians" and make a decision to follow Christ however, they do not want to give up their "comfort foods" so to speak. They want to hang out with the same people, party like they always have, not take time to read the Bible, etc. They don't become healthier, they are just comfortable and usually unhappy. Instead of looking in at themselves, they look out at Christ and say this isn't for me. I still have the same problems I had before and so this "christian" thing must not be real. They are yo-yo Christians. When times get tough they run to God or run away from him. When things are going great, its often not because God has blessed them but because of something they did. They fail to find Him in the success and thank Him for it. They are up and down like a yo yo dieter. They have failed to understand the key to success is that this is a LIFESTYLE change.

2. Now Fasting: Fasting is so important and really helps you focus on God but here is the problem I have with fasting. Shouldn't we be doing that everyday??? Many people do a 21 day fast at the beginning of the year to help them focus for the year and get all their ducks in a row. While I believe this is amazing, what about the other 344 days out of the year? Everyday we should be finding a way to set aside distractions to spend time with our creator. This is a LIFESTYLE change.

3. "You have to feed your body so it can run properly" applies in your spiritual life too. You have to feed your spirit with God's word so you can run properly the race set before you. God has a plan and purpose for each of our lives and if your spirit is anorexic you won't be able to properly accomplish all that God has for you. You will live below your destiny.

4. The reason I was becoming uncomfortable around those choosing to better themselves is because I wasn't choosing to better myself. That uncomfortableness has challenged me and made me want to be better. Those people did not have to say a word to me about what I was choosing. They never made me feel bad, they never condemned me, they didn't force their healthy habits down my throat but yet being around them and seeing them walk it out and the choices they were making made me want to be better. Isn't that how we as "christians" should be influencing others? We shouldn't have to say things to people all the time, force "God's Love" on them, condemn them, or judge them. They should just see us walk it out and the choices we are making are different than theirs and want to be better from just being around us. They should see the difference in our lives. They should see his Love through us without having to say a word. We should exude His Love everywhere we go, in our words, but more importantly in our actions.

Today I am on a journey to become more healthy in body and spirit. Today I will begin my LIFESTYLE change. I may not eat all my veggies right away but I will get there eventually. I will make changes everyday to better my lifestyle and exude love. I will make myself uncomfortable so that I can hopefully make others uncomfortable.

Accountability for your response

Here is my #3 thing I learned last year from my list I posted previously.

In dealing with offense.....One day we will all stand before God on the day of judgement and at that time, you will be judged on what YOU did. It will not matter what someone did to you and your reasons for your reaction. There will not be a time where you get to give an excuse or justify your actions. YOU WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR RESPONSE!

One day, my husband did something that offended me. I really don't remember what it was to be honest but I do remember complaining to God and being upset. Very strongly in my spirit, I felt he was saying, "how will you respond" He knows what happened to me and whether it was wrong or not God will be the judge of that someday but how I respond is what I will be judged on. Someday I will be held accountable for my response. We are to show mercy, forgiveness and love, and be a reflection of God's grace to others.

Now am I saying that if someone continually offends you, you should put yourself continually around them, no. You should put people around you that push you towards your goals. My goal is heaven and being closer to God while here on earth. So I am choosing to surround myself with people who push me in my relationship with God, who encourage me in love, believe in me, and who I can be the same for.

In 2011, I am choosing my friends more wisely, choosing to walk in love and forgiveness, and choosing my response more carefully.

Food for thought

There is a book out that I really want to buy and read called MADE TO CRAVE. I have heard a little about the book and it has really been stirring something up in me and I haven't even seen a word in it.

The book is about our God given desire to crave. Some people crave food, alcohol, drugs, love, etc. This book, I believe, mainly focuses on the food aspect but I have been thinking a lot about the other aspects in life.

During the time of my dad's failing health and since his passing, I at times have found myself "craving" certain comfort foods. Comfort foods for me are chips and rotel, fried foods, burgers and fries, and the ever popular chocolate or just sugar in general. There is something in your mind that is triggered by your emotions to crave certain comforts during times of stress. It's actually something that God put in us but when used incorrectly we turn to the foods, alcohol, drugs, love, etc. The reason God put this desire in us to crave is because He wanted us to turn to him during times of stress and crave Him. In doing so, he could fill us with what we are lacking. So many times we start to feel the stress of life, emotions we don't want to face, faults we see in ourselves, problems with family members, work, etc. and we immediately turn to something to help us "relax", "de-stress", "enjoy ourselves." We often justify it by saying I am going through a lot right now or I deserve this when all along God is calling us to him and we are rejecting him.

Some people may look at this and say I am not overweight, getting drunk, sleeping with people, etc. but what they are doing is turning to the wrong things for stress relief. If you are "cooking up some rotel", having a glass of wine to "relax", or dating someone new take a look at "why" you are really doing it. Do not justify your actions but instead figure out where that craving is coming from. Discover the person who put that desire for peace in you. Next time I feel stressed and I start to reach for that chocolate bar, I may just reach for my Bible instead.

Food for thought :)

If you change the rules in the middle of the game, there can't be a winner

Another thing I learned in 2011 has to do with board games. Keep reading, it will change your life :)

The discover as you go: Have you ever opened a new board game and you tell someone to read the rules and they read some and then say okay well let's just play and we will learn as we go? As you go along and start to get ahead, it always seems like they then "discover" a rule and somehow you have a set back. By the end of the game and all of the "discoveries" someone wins but someone else may feel slighted and like really they should have won. They may something like, "well that was fun" all the while knowing they probably will never play again and if they do they will make sure and know the rules the first time so it will be fair and fun for everyone.

House Rules: Have you ever played a game that maybe you have played with your family but now you are playing at a friends house and they have their own rules they follow that you have never heard of before. It can be very confusing and not seem right at times because you grew up playing this game a certain way, the same way, every time?

Playing with a 4 year old: Have you ever played a game that you know how to play, have played before, and has standard rules? A game like monopoly or sorry but someone changes the rules mid way through to benefit themselves? Maybe I am just competitive but when that happens, I really just don't want to play anymore. They get upset because they are losing so they change the rules to benefit themselves. What is the point, if they just want to win then let them win and go home. I can do that with my 4 year old. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe their parents always let them win as kids when playing games.

(Side Note: This may sound cruel or harsh but when I play board games with Elam, I do not let him win. If I win or his dad wins, we have taught him that he is to be excited for us, shake our hands or high five and tell us congratulations. If he wins, we do the same. I explain to him before we begin the game that he will not always win and that is okay but we should be excited for the winner anyway.)

Okay so back to my point.....If you have ever had any of the top three things happen to you while playing a game with someone, you will understand the lesson I learned. All of this relates to relationships, whether it is your marriage, friendships, relationships with siblings, children, or parents.

There has to be some sort of "rules" set up from the beginning to be a success or there will never be a winner. When I say rules, I mean a level of respect for one another. Maybe your friend doesn't like being late to things and you are always late. Make it a priority to be on time when you meet them somewhere instead of saying, "well they know how I am and if they are really my friend they will understand" Go the extra mile yourself.

Just like playing a new game you have to learn the rules, take time to learn about your friends, their likes and dislikes, etc. and make efforts to be a better friend to them. Don't make up rules mid way through and come out of left field with something.

Let's go back to each scenario and I will try and explain it a little better:

The discover as you go: Sometimes in relationships (especially marriage) you get into them not knowing the person completely. You have to learn as you go on somethings just like you may read some of the rules and learn as you go. As you start to "discover" new things (rules) about this person you have to adjust your relationship (game) and their has to be a compromise on the new discovery. Otherwise the discovery of the new rule will only benefit one side. This will lead to resentment, anger, a feeling of not wanting to play the game anymore. You will end up with a closed off partner because they will be afraid of what other new rules you may discover. Compromise and communication is key.

House Rules: Everyone knows about house rules in board games but what about in relationships. When you get married you are bringing two households together. It is not just a marriage between two people but two families. Have you ever heard people say things like "well that's not how I was raised," or "when I was growing up..." We have all been raised differently and now must find a way to mesh these things together to make our relationship a success. Maybe you grew up in a "old fashioned" house where the wife took care of the cooking, cleaning, kids, etc and the husband did all of the yard work, working outside the home, etc. Maybe your spouse grew up in a house where his mom took care of the yard work. These seem like unimportant details but I guarantee you there have been arguments over this very thing in a relationship somewhere. Maybe its not something physical or tangible, maybe its a habit or trait you have picked up from your father/mother that doesn't sit well with your spouse. Maybe you find yourself using the excuse, "I don't know how else to handle it. This is all I have ever seen." While this is true, you now have your own house and can make your own house rules. This is the only opportunity you have to change the rules so take a look at your life and adjust your house rules to benefit your house no matter how you are "used to" playing.

Playing with a 4 year old: This is the type of person who always wants to win and come out on top. They are not really interested in the game but the feeling of the win. They probably are very confrontational, easily offended, and cause many offenses. They do not really care about the rules because rules don't really apply to them. They can change them at any time to better suit their needs and they have been taught that everyone else will change around them to help them succeed. Life is all wins and no losses. -----(record scratch) WRONG!!! Life is about winning and losing. Sometimes you lose but in those losses you are really the winner. You can not learn the things you need to learn by winning all the time. These people have no concept of reality and WILL NOT change through your assistance. They have to see the problem first and want to make a change on their own. There is nothing you can do for them but love them and keep your distance. Do not expect great acts of kindness or selflessness from these types of people. Remember you are playing with a 4 year old. Tell them congratulations and move on.

You are the company you keep.

In 2010 I learned many things so for the next few days I am going to share some of them with you. Hopefully they might help you to have a better 2011.

Here are the top things I learned this year. I will list them and then each time I blog over the next several days I will expand on one of them.

1. You are the company you keep.

2. If you change the rules in the middle of the game, there can't be a winner

3. Accountability for your response.

4. Walking out the 2 greatest commands

5. Serving and Loving one another unconditionally

So let's get started.

YOU ARE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP.

Here is what I mean. Have you ever worked with or been around someone who is extremely negative about everything? You could be the most positive person in the world but if you are around them, eventually you will start becoming more negative. It won't happen all at once. First, you will try and be positive around them hoping that they will start to be positive. (It might work but chances are these type of people are either surrounding themselves with negative people or they have always been this way and don't see the problem). Next, when your efforts do not work, you will become angry and irritated at this person and every negative comment that flows from their mouths will start to work your nerves. Finally, their negativity will so annoy you that you will begin to complain about them and become negative towards them or having to be around them. The more time you spend with these types of people the more negative you will start to become and the more people you will start to annoy :)

That is just one example. Here are a few that I am choosing to distance myself from in 2011. Selfishness, Complainers, Negative Nancy, and the one uppers. Instead I will choose to hang out with people who inspire me with their selflessness and acts of kindness towards others, people who encourage me towards the things of God, people who see the cup half full and see the possibility of it overflowing, and people who are excited for the good and blessings that come to me and lift me up during the hard times.

Selfishness is such an ugly thing. It says 'I am most important here, my feelings, and my life. I am looking out for me first and then if I have anything left I will give it to you on my terms." The problem with selfishness is that most selfish people don't even see their selfishness, so for them to ever want to change is almost impossible because they don't recognize the problem. Selfishness hurts others and can cause other people to become selfish.

I have a friend named Lisa who consistently inspires me to be more selfless. When my dad became terminally ill, Lisa took it upon herself to contact other moms to prepare meals to bring to us so we had one less thing to worry about. We had meals everyday for weeks. I have seen her take jewelry that she is wearing and give it away, collect baby items to give to pregnant teen moms, and the list goes on and on. She is constantly doing something for someone else and inspiring those around her. If I hang out with more people like that, I am going to want to give more, inspire more, love more.

If you want to become more successful at a certain trade then hang out with people who are in that trade and are successful. If you want to become more financially stable then surround yourself with those type of people. If you want to become a better mom/parent then hang out with someone who you think is doing a great job.

It's like in kindergarten when the teacher asks you "what do you want to be when you grow up?". Figure out what you want to be. It doesn't have to be an occupation ie. doctor or lawyer but a more creative fun loving mom, more compassionate, selfless, more encouraging, spend more time in prayer, physically fit, etc. Find those people and surround yourself with them.

Now am I saying don't hang out with people who are not where you want to be, no absolutely not. That would not be walking in love either. All I am saying is the selfish, complaining, negative type of people should only be around in spurts. You can only pull someone up so much. It's a law of gravity. Eventually those people will pull you down. You are the company you keep. This year keep good company.