If you change the rules in the middle of the game, there can't be a winner

Another thing I learned in 2011 has to do with board games. Keep reading, it will change your life :)

The discover as you go: Have you ever opened a new board game and you tell someone to read the rules and they read some and then say okay well let's just play and we will learn as we go? As you go along and start to get ahead, it always seems like they then "discover" a rule and somehow you have a set back. By the end of the game and all of the "discoveries" someone wins but someone else may feel slighted and like really they should have won. They may something like, "well that was fun" all the while knowing they probably will never play again and if they do they will make sure and know the rules the first time so it will be fair and fun for everyone.

House Rules: Have you ever played a game that maybe you have played with your family but now you are playing at a friends house and they have their own rules they follow that you have never heard of before. It can be very confusing and not seem right at times because you grew up playing this game a certain way, the same way, every time?

Playing with a 4 year old: Have you ever played a game that you know how to play, have played before, and has standard rules? A game like monopoly or sorry but someone changes the rules mid way through to benefit themselves? Maybe I am just competitive but when that happens, I really just don't want to play anymore. They get upset because they are losing so they change the rules to benefit themselves. What is the point, if they just want to win then let them win and go home. I can do that with my 4 year old. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe their parents always let them win as kids when playing games.

(Side Note: This may sound cruel or harsh but when I play board games with Elam, I do not let him win. If I win or his dad wins, we have taught him that he is to be excited for us, shake our hands or high five and tell us congratulations. If he wins, we do the same. I explain to him before we begin the game that he will not always win and that is okay but we should be excited for the winner anyway.)

Okay so back to my point.....If you have ever had any of the top three things happen to you while playing a game with someone, you will understand the lesson I learned. All of this relates to relationships, whether it is your marriage, friendships, relationships with siblings, children, or parents.

There has to be some sort of "rules" set up from the beginning to be a success or there will never be a winner. When I say rules, I mean a level of respect for one another. Maybe your friend doesn't like being late to things and you are always late. Make it a priority to be on time when you meet them somewhere instead of saying, "well they know how I am and if they are really my friend they will understand" Go the extra mile yourself.

Just like playing a new game you have to learn the rules, take time to learn about your friends, their likes and dislikes, etc. and make efforts to be a better friend to them. Don't make up rules mid way through and come out of left field with something.

Let's go back to each scenario and I will try and explain it a little better:

The discover as you go: Sometimes in relationships (especially marriage) you get into them not knowing the person completely. You have to learn as you go on somethings just like you may read some of the rules and learn as you go. As you start to "discover" new things (rules) about this person you have to adjust your relationship (game) and their has to be a compromise on the new discovery. Otherwise the discovery of the new rule will only benefit one side. This will lead to resentment, anger, a feeling of not wanting to play the game anymore. You will end up with a closed off partner because they will be afraid of what other new rules you may discover. Compromise and communication is key.

House Rules: Everyone knows about house rules in board games but what about in relationships. When you get married you are bringing two households together. It is not just a marriage between two people but two families. Have you ever heard people say things like "well that's not how I was raised," or "when I was growing up..." We have all been raised differently and now must find a way to mesh these things together to make our relationship a success. Maybe you grew up in a "old fashioned" house where the wife took care of the cooking, cleaning, kids, etc and the husband did all of the yard work, working outside the home, etc. Maybe your spouse grew up in a house where his mom took care of the yard work. These seem like unimportant details but I guarantee you there have been arguments over this very thing in a relationship somewhere. Maybe its not something physical or tangible, maybe its a habit or trait you have picked up from your father/mother that doesn't sit well with your spouse. Maybe you find yourself using the excuse, "I don't know how else to handle it. This is all I have ever seen." While this is true, you now have your own house and can make your own house rules. This is the only opportunity you have to change the rules so take a look at your life and adjust your house rules to benefit your house no matter how you are "used to" playing.

Playing with a 4 year old: This is the type of person who always wants to win and come out on top. They are not really interested in the game but the feeling of the win. They probably are very confrontational, easily offended, and cause many offenses. They do not really care about the rules because rules don't really apply to them. They can change them at any time to better suit their needs and they have been taught that everyone else will change around them to help them succeed. Life is all wins and no losses. -----(record scratch) WRONG!!! Life is about winning and losing. Sometimes you lose but in those losses you are really the winner. You can not learn the things you need to learn by winning all the time. These people have no concept of reality and WILL NOT change through your assistance. They have to see the problem first and want to make a change on their own. There is nothing you can do for them but love them and keep your distance. Do not expect great acts of kindness or selflessness from these types of people. Remember you are playing with a 4 year old. Tell them congratulations and move on.